2006-09-24
Urgh. One thing I hate with a passion is being treated like a moron, like the things I say are sooooo stupid, how could I possibly even open my mouth and say them?
This may be an exaggeration.
So I find listing online for an apartment in our current complex for $300 less per month.
I think:
Boo-yah! Cheaper rent, only a short distance to move. Yay!
I call Will.
He thinks:
Ugh. I don't want to move 100 feet down the way. If we're gonna move, then ugh, we might as well move.
I don't get it. He was the one that wanted to re-sign the lease and stay here. I don't think (and he knows I'm right) that we can afford it given our present income and astronomically high bills.
So why would it not be a good idea, given that the apartment hasn't been snatched up yet, to move there and essentially pay $300 less on rent for basically the same place?
Hello!?! Can someone say common sense?
I mean, there are no guarantees that this guy even has the place available still. He did post the listing a month ago.
If he wants to move, then fine, but its not like hes specifically said to me "this place just isn't doing it for me anymore." For the most part he has been the one to defend the apartment against my tirades.
What if he just doesn't want to live with me anymore at all? Wow. That would be a shock, but understandable I guess. Not like I haven't half thought about it myself.
This is such a difficult time though. I don't really know what to say to him most of the time. And I think its about the same for him.
During our "talk" the other night he made a comment that he thought I was unhappy in the relationship. I am, a little bit, but I think that the things that make me unhappy can all be addressed and attended to, and in time, I can be more secure in our relationship.
The things that bother me are purely financial. Maybe I am as materialistic as the ex said I was, but I have to be realistic. I don't want to just scrape by paycheck to paycheck- I want to built the best life I can for me and Will and our someday family and I KNOW I have a lot of time before that happens, but I just get so frantic about things. I feel like I'm treading water in a strong current, I'm mostly not going anywhere, but when I do, the current pulls me backward. I want to move forward with my life and with plans and with our finances. I don't want to have a $2000 Mobil bill hanging over our heads and I don't want to have messages from Sallie Mae on my machine every afternoon. I want to pay all of our bills on time and I even want to make more than the minimum payment so we can get rid of our boat anchors.
He knows this and I know this. Talking about it is like beating a dead horse- we both know we need more income and less debt, but its so hard to take care of in our present situation. We can't make money grow on trees and we can't magically wish our car payments away either.
Sometimes I think that moving in together was a bad idea-from a financial standpoint only. The last year has been the best one of my life, but in moving in together we have just amassed this seemingly unmoveable amount of debt.
I just don't know enough about how to take care of my finances to not let it affect our personal life. I don't want to break our relationship up because of what will eventually be "short term" money woes. It would be such a terrible thing to throw this relationsip away because we don't have enough money.
I think I need to add financial advisor to the list of people I need to meet with.
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